Sunday, March 30, 2008
Maro - Not Tomorrow
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The Long and Short of being Tall
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Behind Every Security is an Insecurity
It often surprises me how easily my personality and feelings about myself can change depending on the group of people I surround myself with at any given time.
Over the weekend I found my insecurities heightened when I was out with a group of people, many of whom I've known for the last two years. Every time I see them, I feel the peripheral acceptance of the group, however I also am aware of a deeper feeling of non acceptance. Why is my comfort level so low with this group of people? Why do I find myself more comfortable with strangers? Why do I feel I can make friends so easily with the majority of the population but this group? I often ask myself these questions but it could perhaps just be that I am completely different from them. Or maybe they perceive me to be completely different from them, when really I am very similar?
Whatever the reason, the glass wall of insecurity still upholds when I see them, and also quite possibly the wall blocking my true personality. I feel I must change this or I will continue to live my adult life in fear of what other people think of me. I realize everyone has their own lack of confidence in one way or another. It may be possible this group of people may have an insecurity or two when they see me as well. It's a part of human nature I am still struggling with. When I was growing up, I was under the impression I would be more comfortable with myself as I entered adult hood. And I definitely remember teachers and other influential adults mention the age of 30 was when they stopped caring what others thought of them. I will be 28 years old in July and still no sign of this happening any time soon. I'm hoping 30 will be my magic number.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Politics of a Callous Cheater
At the height of the Eliot Spitzer outrage I can't help but make certain observations regarding all politicians who feel the need to have an affair.
It seems if you are a politician wishing to gain international notoriety and to end your career in the process, cheating on your loving wife and family who has stood by you throughout many campaigns, long nights and media thrashing is definitely the way to go.
One question coming to my mind is why does taking part in a circus of scandolous sex acts appear to be a trend among politicians? Another is why do these bastards' wives stand by them as they shamely emerge from the mask they have been wearing to face the media, family, friends and voters in a humiliating way?
I believe certain politicians feel they are above the law once they are handed the 'key to the city' so to speak. I believe the power they feel from reaching their status may cloud their thoughts and cause them to truly believe they can have it all, regardless of who it may hurt or how the outcome would affect their reputations and careers.
With that said, the wives who stand by these men are not truly exceptional as perhaps they wish for the public to believe. In fact I do not feel sorry for them. I feel sick to think that the first women in these situations are actually well educated and "independant". My respect fades completely when I see wives standing next to these once powerful cowards as they admit their demise to the world. What I see isn't a loyal wife. What I see is a woman who is weak and cannot believe the position she held while her politician husband was in power has now vanished. When I witness this, I actually believe that the marriage they and perhaps many other political couples illustrate to the public is only a facade. I believe this is more of a business relationship, created to benefit both parties.
Take Hilary Clinton for example. She "stood" by Bill Clinton throughout his own scandal and I was baffled by this so called strong woman's decision to stand behind a man who humiliated her in front of the world. It wasn't until Hilary Clinton announced her desire to run for the 2008 Presidential election that I understood. Of course her position as once first lady made her an ideal candidate. She took the situation she was handed and made the best of it. Although she still lost my respect.
I will be a married woman myself in a few months time. I love my fiance and will stand by him in almost every situation, however I could never humiliate myself while my husband admits to the world that he cheated on not only me but our family for his own pleasure. I would feed that man to the sharks and never look back. I would make it known that I am an independant woman and therefore capable of leaving someone behind who doesn't respect me enough to stay loyal to me. Someone who cannot find pleasure within our relationship, rather than outside it wouldn't deserve my vote. If I were the wife of Eliot Spitzer, he would be facing this scandal alone. There would be no need for me to stand by someone who obviously stopped standing by his wife long ago.
Monday, March 10, 2008
I think I have Gerascophobia - I wonder how many people know what that means?
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
My Engine's all Revved up (And not in the good way)
My heart is racing, I'm all fidgety, my hands constantly tremble, I can't sleep, I'm losing weight no matter what I eat and lately I've been in a steady dreadful mood.
No I don't have a terrible case of PMS and no I'm not suffering from a drug addiction. I was diagnosed with a hyperthyroid condition four years ago. The name of the disorder is Graves Disease.
Before I was diagnosed I just thought always being tired, tempermental and trembling was part of my destiny. In the back of my mind I thought something must be wrong but I always wrote it off to outside events in my life. I thought it was all just stress. I had recently gone through a really rough breakup, been fired from a job and was moving for the third time in one year. Really though I was sort of right! It turns out Graves Disease can be brought on by stress and/or something traumatic happening in one's personal life.
I opted to try the antithyroid drug thionamide to stabilize things. After being on the medication and having regular blood checks, my thyroid hormones returned to normal.
Well it's been one year since I was informed the medication had worked. Since then, I had a bad experience with a roommate, I moved in with my boyfriend, became engaged, planning a wedding, saving for that wedding and experiencing ongoing stress at my job.
Over the last three months I have been experiencing the same symptoms I had years ago when I was diagnosed. This time the weight loss has been more significant! I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate at work, I'm constantly tired yet I can't sleep and my behaviour is more erratic than usual. I recently had a Doctors appointment and was weighed in at 119 pounds (I'm almost 5"11) In addition, my hands tremble so much my signature looks like a signature of an elderly woman suffering from Parkinsons Disease! I had my blood taken and am now waiting on the verdict. This time I must decide what is the best course of action for my health. It's a tiny gland in my throat but what an impact it can have!