Sunday, March 30, 2008

Maro - Not Tomorrow

I went to the resto-lounge club, Maro, last night with a few friends. We weren't there for dinner so I can't comment on that. We were there for drinks and to have a good time. All I was looking for was a good time and a good crowd. I got neither.

Walking into the revamped old warehouse in the Liberty village/Parkdale area of Toronto, you are guided into the lower level banquet room. Very stylish and interesting videos of tropical swimming fish line the walls. Tables and cushioned benches enhance what is supposed to be part of the dining experience. Go up to the upper level and you are then taken into a larger venue with more large screen videos of tropical swimming fish, modern white couches and an array of tables for dining. We arrived at 10:30p.m. and at first glance, I perceived the area to be an upper class dimmed cafeteria. Rectangular tables are lined parallel to one another and the exposed kitchen is in the back. Or the place looked like it could be one of those Gentlemen Clubs for Japanese businessmen?

Unfortunately all seating was reserved for bottle service patrons only. Because we chose not to take part in the $300 bottle service, we were left standing, balancing our glasses of wine while being consistantly jostled by Maro's 'finest' young ladies skimpering about in butt skimming dresses, three-inch heels and hair extensions. If I knew this was a pre-requisite of fitting in, I would have worn my Tiffany Amber Thiesen Look Alike dress from the Saved By the Bell Days. Needless to say, I apparently wasn't drunk enough to shrug off the pretentious attitude found in most of the patrons and staff.

One thing I will point out is the music was great, although it would have been nice to have the option of a real dance floor. The $10 cover charge isn't over the top but not worth my hour stay. If you're looking for a night of showing off your newly purchased Louis Vuitton bag, standing in one place and making your best bitch impression the entire night, this place may be for you! Otherwise, if you are looking for a more relaxed night of dancing, dressing up and enjoying a chic atmosphere, there are so many other, more established, venues in Toronto. No Maro for me tomorrow! That's for sure.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Long and Short of being Tall

Being 'the tall girl' my entire life, I have had some emotional highs and lows with the reality of my height.

I'm just over 5"10, so I'm not enormously tall by many standards (the tallest woman in the world is Den-Fen Yao at 7"8!), but I still feel very amazonian when I am standing next to the average woman - especially when I wear heels. I'm very in touch with my feminine side and heels is every woman's staple. It can be difficult to find the perfect pair of shoes however when they make me grow well over six feet!

When people point out my taller than average height, I tend to feel insecure about myself. The comments are something I have trouble understanding. I would feel very uncomfortable pointing out to someone who is shorter than average how short they are. So why is it acceptable to point out to me how tall I am? And why am I always asked if I play basketball or volleyball? Does this mean it's ok for me to ask a short person if they play mini golf?

Thank goodness some of the most beautiful women in the world are tall!

Model Ana Hickman - 6.1ft.
Model/Actress Rachel Hunter - 5.11ft.
Model Tyra Banks - 5.11ft.
Model Giselle Bundchen - 5.11ft
Donald Trump's wife Melania Knauss - 5.11ft.

Oh the beauty of tall women!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Behind Every Security is an Insecurity

It often surprises me how easily my personality and feelings about myself can change depending on the group of people I surround myself with at any given time.

Over the weekend I found my insecurities heightened when I was out with a group of people, many of whom I've known for the last two years. Every time I see them, I feel the peripheral acceptance of the group, however I also am aware of a deeper feeling of non acceptance. Why is my comfort level so low with this group of people? Why do I find myself more comfortable with strangers? Why do I feel I can make friends so easily with the majority of the population but this group? I often ask myself these questions but it could perhaps just be that I am completely different from them. Or maybe they perceive me to be completely different from them, when really I am very similar?

Whatever the reason, the glass wall of insecurity still upholds when I see them, and also quite possibly the wall blocking my true personality. I feel I must change this or I will continue to live my adult life in fear of what other people think of me. I realize everyone has their own lack of confidence in one way or another. It may be possible this group of people may have an insecurity or two when they see me as well. It's a part of human nature I am still struggling with. When I was growing up, I was under the impression I would be more comfortable with myself as I entered adult hood. And I definitely remember teachers and other influential adults mention the age of 30 was when they stopped caring what others thought of them. I will be 28 years old in July and still no sign of this happening any time soon. I'm hoping 30 will be my magic number.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Politics of a Callous Cheater

At the height of the Eliot Spitzer outrage I can't help but make certain observations regarding all politicians who feel the need to have an affair.

It seems if you are a politician wishing to gain international notoriety and to end your career in the process, cheating on your loving wife and family who has stood by you throughout many campaigns, long nights and media thrashing is definitely the way to go.

One question coming to my mind is why does taking part in a circus of scandolous sex acts appear to be a trend among politicians? Another is why do these bastards' wives stand by them as they shamely emerge from the mask they have been wearing to face the media, family, friends and voters in a humiliating way?

I believe certain politicians feel they are above the law once they are handed the 'key to the city' so to speak. I believe the power they feel from reaching their status may cloud their thoughts and cause them to truly believe they can have it all, regardless of who it may hurt or how the outcome would affect their reputations and careers.

With that said, the wives who stand by these men are not truly exceptional as perhaps they wish for the public to believe. In fact I do not feel sorry for them. I feel sick to think that the first women in these situations are actually well educated and "independant". My respect fades completely when I see wives standing next to these once powerful cowards as they admit their demise to the world. What I see isn't a loyal wife. What I see is a woman who is weak and cannot believe the position she held while her politician husband was in power has now vanished. When I witness this, I actually believe that the marriage they and perhaps many other political couples illustrate to the public is only a facade. I believe this is more of a business relationship, created to benefit both parties.

Take Hilary Clinton for example. She "stood" by Bill Clinton throughout his own scandal and I was baffled by this so called strong woman's decision to stand behind a man who humiliated her in front of the world. It wasn't until Hilary Clinton announced her desire to run for the 2008 Presidential election that I understood. Of course her position as once first lady made her an ideal candidate. She took the situation she was handed and made the best of it. Although she still lost my respect.

I will be a married woman myself in a few months time. I love my fiance and will stand by him in almost every situation, however I could never humiliate myself while my husband admits to the world that he cheated on not only me but our family for his own pleasure. I would feed that man to the sharks and never look back. I would make it known that I am an independant woman and therefore capable of leaving someone behind who doesn't respect me enough to stay loyal to me. Someone who cannot find pleasure within our relationship, rather than outside it wouldn't deserve my vote. If I were the wife of Eliot Spitzer, he would be facing this scandal alone. There would be no need for me to stand by someone who obviously stopped standing by his wife long ago.

Monday, March 10, 2008

I think I have Gerascophobia - I wonder how many people know what that means?

OK so gerascophobia is the fear of ageing. It turns out many people, mainly women, have this phobia. I may be one of them to an extent. For now I have it under control. But I can feel the phobia and lines on my face slowly creeping up on me.
In the last few months I have been obsessing and I mean obsessing over some lines around my eyes. They seem to be getting progressively worse and I don't know if it's lack of sleep (probably), too much caffeine (oh definitely) or alcohol (Yes I realize I should cut back) OR it could be too much stress!

Reality is I'm only 27 years old. I shouldn't be focused on small lines on my face. At my age I should not be worrying about the possibility of age spots or contemplating cosmetic procedures to rid myself of lines - mainly caused by smiling but also unfortunately caused by the effects of the sun and other outside stresses in my life.

However, to think I already have a couple of friends who have had or are thinking about getting botox. Of course having friends who have tried it and look fantastic, as well as outside pressure from the media to always look my best has allowed me to wonder if I should try botox. I just want to try it once and see how well it would really work for me.

This has caused many worried looks from my fiance who doesn't think my choice of anti ageing treatment would be the best decision for me at this time. Honestly how harmful could a few needles injecting botulinum toxin into my face be? My face would feel frozen for only a day or so, I may or may not get a droopy eye and I won't show any emotion when I smile. This way, lines won't appear on my face and I won't be showing wrinkles. Brilliant!
Yes I poke fun but how much more real fun would it be to look forever young? I can start the botox injections now and stop the clock of aging! Wow I will continue to look 27 years old forever! Everyone will ask my husband where he found such a young woman for someone his age. Hilarious.

OK so in the meantime, that is perhaps until I gather up the courage and the funds for botox, I have decided to try less expensive, more age appropriate techniques to diminish the lines around my precious eyes. Today I bought pure Vitamin E oil. After researching it's benefits I purchased the product and am now sitting on my couch with oil smeared all over my face (might as well be proactive and get every area wrinkles may appear!). I'm going to give this oil two weeks and see what happens. I have also decided to drink green tea daily. Green tea, with its powerful antioxidants, has been known to stall and even reverse the aging process. Because of these findings I'm going to give it a go!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

My Engine's all Revved up (And not in the good way)

My heart is racing, I'm all fidgety, my hands constantly tremble, I can't sleep, I'm losing weight no matter what I eat and lately I've been in a steady dreadful mood.

No I don't have a terrible case of PMS and no I'm not suffering from a drug addiction. I was diagnosed with a hyperthyroid condition four years ago. The name of the disorder is Graves Disease.

Before I was diagnosed I just thought always being tired, tempermental and trembling was part of my destiny. In the back of my mind I thought something must be wrong but I always wrote it off to outside events in my life. I thought it was all just stress. I had recently gone through a really rough breakup, been fired from a job and was moving for the third time in one year. Really though I was sort of right! It turns out Graves Disease can be brought on by stress and/or something traumatic happening in one's personal life.

I opted to try the antithyroid drug thionamide to stabilize things. After being on the medication and having regular blood checks, my thyroid hormones returned to normal.

Well it's been one year since I was informed the medication had worked. Since then, I had a bad experience with a roommate, I moved in with my boyfriend, became engaged, planning a wedding, saving for that wedding and experiencing ongoing stress at my job.

Over the last three months I have been experiencing the same symptoms I had years ago when I was diagnosed. This time the weight loss has been more significant! I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate at work, I'm constantly tired yet I can't sleep and my behaviour is more erratic than usual. I recently had a Doctors appointment and was weighed in at 119 pounds (I'm almost 5"11) In addition, my hands tremble so much my signature looks like a signature of an elderly woman suffering from Parkinsons Disease! I had my blood taken and am now waiting on the verdict. This time I must decide what is the best course of action for my health. It's a tiny gland in my throat but what an impact it can have!

Monday, March 3, 2008

So Long but not Long Forgotten

Jeff Healey, legendary Canadian Jazz musician has passed away.

I'm admittedly not a big Jeff Healey fan, although I was a fan of his hits Angel Eyes and How Long can a Man be Strong. While I can't admit being a hard core fan or ever going to a concert I can admit I was always drawn to this man's musical passion and drive to be the best no matter what life throws at you.

Jeff Healey lost his vision from retinol cancer when he was a baby and now has succumbed to the disease at the age of 41.

The death of this young star has caused me to remember other young stars who have passed away in the last few months. Heath Ledger and Brad Renfro never got the chance to see how far their fame could go. They both passed away during what was supposed to be the prime of their lives.

Talented musicians and actors who leave this world too soon seems to touch us all in different ways. It makes us realize that the people we put on such a high pedestal due to their talents, their exciting and extravagent lives and the larger than life personas media creates for them, are just that - people. I think we focus so much on their deaths, especially when they go young, because it scares the public and makes us all remember that in the end, we all are the same in many ways. We all come in the world the same way and we all must go.

Forever young these celebrities will be. We will never see a picture of them with greying hair, wrinkles and weight gain brought on by the onset of old age. We will forever remember the people who have touched so many lives just the way they left off.

Jeff Healey didn't pass away from a drug overdose or suicide. He was unfortunately taken away from his fans, family and other people who adored him too soon and beyond his own control. His music, however, will live on forever.